Taking the First Step in Life Design: Understanding the Hesitation and Embracing Change
In the pursuit of a fulfilling life, we often find ourselves at a crossroads, contemplating the first step towards change. The first step, though small, signifies the commencement of a transformative journey in life design.
The new year is the perfect breeding ground for wanting change but feeling frustrated as we enter with good intentions and well-laid plans, but old habits pop up and often prevail.
No? Only me? ;-)
When we hesitate or we find ourselves immobilised, it can be difficult to see how to take that first step again. This hesitation, deeply rooted in psychological, emotional, and societal factors, is a common human experience.
It is not easy to overcome, so give yourself a break and let's explore the complexities behind this hesitation and how we can overcome them to take that first step on our life design journey.
The Psychology of Hesitation
The human mind, complex and often contradictory, plays a pivotal role in how we approach change. Psychologists have long studied the phenomena of fear and resistance when faced with new beginnings.
According to a study by Dr. John Norcross and his colleagues, about 50% of people consider making significant life changes, but only a fraction take the necessary steps (Norcross, J.C., Mrykalo, M.S., & Blagys, M.D., 2002).
Here are some of the reasons why we hesitate:
1. Fear of the Unknown
Venturing into uncharted territories is intimidating. The fear of the unknown is a primal instinct designed to keep us safe from potential dangers. This fear can be so overpowering that it overshadows the potential benefits of change.
In 2023, I ventured into the ocean to swim with wild dolphins. My fear of deep water became old news as I jumped into the unknown, and I was rewarded with such a touching experience that continues to inspire me and motivate me to make other steps into the unknown.
2. Comfort in Familiarity
The human brain is wired to seek comfort in familiar routines, even when they are unfulfilling. This preference for the known versus the unknown is explained by the 'status quo bias', a concept explored in the work of Samuelson and Zeckhauser (1988). They found that individuals tend to prefer avoiding change even when it could lead to better outcomes.
We are our own worst enemy, aren’t we? It is easier to write on the topics I am used to than “new” topics like life design and barriers to wealth. It is easier to write an article than to record a video (I’m working on that!) But that first step has been taken, and I will continue on that journey.
3. Self-Doubt and Inner Criticism
Self-doubt often stems from a lack of self-esteem and a fear of failure. The inner critic becomes a barrier, feeding into our insecurities. Dr. Kristin Neff’s research on self-compassion highlights the importance of being kind to oneself and recognizing that imperfection is part of the human experience (Neff, K., 2011).
Even though I meditate and journal, take time to walk and create a mindset of balance and peace, and feel I have self-esteem, the fear of failure is my sometimes companion when I am trying something new. And once in a while, when that old critic rears its ugly head, and I am feeling tired or sick, I am susceptible.
4. Lack of Clarity
Without a clear vision or understanding of what we want, taking that first step can feel overwhelming. A study by Gollwitzer (1990) showed that people who set specific goals were more likely to achieve them compared to those who did not.
I took time at 2023 year's end to do this work. And yes, it is work. Refining what we want to achieve in a real, tangible, and visible way (if using a board) takes time to self-reflect and uncover it. I have not only defined it but printed it and pinned it up where I can see it so that I do not lose my focus or clarity.
Strategies for Overcoming Hesitation
Now, understanding why we hesitate is only half the battle.
The next step is to develop strategies to overcome these barriers so we can begin the journey of life design.
1. Embracing Uncertainty
The first step to overcoming fear of the unknown is to embrace it. Life is inherently uncertain, and learning to navigate this uncertainty is crucial. As put by Susan Jeffers in her book, "Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway", facing fears head-on is the only way to diminish their power over us.
My favourite reference for this is the Circle of Concern vs. the Circle of Influence. The only thing we can influence is ourselves; therefore, that is where the change must come from. You cannot change the concerns –weather, the workplace, the family dynamics– only yourself.
2. Breaking the Status Quo
Challenging the comfort of the known requires courage. Start by making small changes to your routine. This creates a ripple effect, gradually building the confidence to make more significant changes.
Habits are small changes to routine, and for me, that means attaching them to the habits that I already have. The common daily ones that are always going to be with you– brushing your teeth and stretching at the same time, making coffee and meditating while you wait for the brew. Aim for that 1% shift every single day.
Source: Atomic Habits by James Clear
3. Cultivating Self-Compassion
Overcoming self-doubt starts with self-compassion. Recognize that you are not alone in your fears and doubts. Practice mindfulness and positive affirmations to quieten the inner critic.
I often speak about how meditation changed my life but it can be as simple as remembering what others do is not because of you. We can eliminate self-doubt with clarity and clarification.
4. Setting Clear Goals
Clarity is power. Define what you want to achieve and set specific, achievable goals. As recommended by Locke and Latham in their Goal-Setting Theory, clear and challenging goals lead to higher performance (Locke, E.A., & Latham, G.P., 2002).
My goals needed a timeline, and that was my main focus last month to ensure that they were visual, specific, and had a timeframe for achieving them. I believe the best way to set goals is “realistic and aspirational”.
5. Seeking Support
Surround yourself with people who uplift and support you. Whether it's a mentor, a coach, or a supportive community, having a support system can provide encouragement and accountability.
Here, I feel privileged as I have a community of support in so many areas of my life. People who not only support but challenge me, uplift me, and even work alongside me.
Masterminds are my core business tactic to ensure that I do what I say I will, it is a collective intelligence and a focused group that gets you there.
6. Learning from Others
Read stories and case studies of individuals who have successfully designed their lives. Understanding their journey can provide insights and inspiration.
I am an avid reader, and I find it absolutely fascinating to collect ideas and integrate them into new ways of thinking. Sometimes, one idea from one source can spur innovation in another. However, learning about the journey and transformation of others through podcasts, TEDTalks, and primarily conversations can inspire change!
7. Taking Action
Ultimately, taking the first step is about action. Even the smallest step towards your goal is progress. Remember, it's not about perfection; it's about progression.
The key I have found that really makes a difference in sustaining change is a simple theory I picked up. “You can miss one day, but not two.” This removes remorse, regret, or dismay when you miss a day because you know you’ll do it the next day and the day after.
Every Journey Begins with a Single Step
Life design is not just about dreaming; it's about doing.
The first step might be the hardest, but it's the most crucial. As we overcome our fears and hesitations, we unlock the potential for growth and fulfilment.
Remember, life's too short to leave it to chance. Start designing your dream life today, remembering that every big journey begins with a single, mindful step—every Single Day.
Design your life with intention, and live it with passion.
Design your life with intention, and live it with passion.
Important Disclaimer: This content is for entertainment and educational purposes only. Nothing in the content materials shall be considered legal, financial, or actuarial advice. Raj Hayer is not liable or responsible for any actions, inaction, or direct or indirect result of your choices and actions.
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